God doesn't love you, but I do
by TheNameOfButAMortal
Summary: A note that inspires curiosity and money that causes wars through peace brings together two acquaintances of Craig and Tweek.
1. Start of the battle

Chapter 1: Start of the battle

"God doesn't love you! Gah!"

"What! That's so mean!" the brown haired boy of Clyde started crying and knocked Craig's drink out of his hands and across Token's expensive looking shirt.

"Thanks for that Tweek." A sarcastic Craig said glaring at the mess made as Token tried to resolve the situation of Clyde crying while grabbing at the napkins in a pile on the Harbucks counter.

"S-sorry! I-I didn't mean you Clyde!" Tweek said, cringing at the domino effect he had caused.

Whimpering, Clyde stood up, "Really? Oh wait of course, you were talking to Craig right?"

Craig continued looking on at Tweek in boredom as his eyes widened and sparks of stress seemed to fly off of him, "WHAT! NO! Jesus Christ, I was t-talking to myself! Gah!"

"Isn't that a sign of insanity?"

"Don't be mean to Tweek, Craig" Token mumbled, looking down at his ruined shirt. "Come on, let's go, I need to change."

"Don't act like that shirt was a loss, you have fifty more."

"I'm surprised you're not screaming at Tweek about the loss of your drink at the moment, you know?"

"I don't scream."

"Heh, heh, that's what she said"

"Shut it Clyde." the two previously conversing boys said, rolling their eyes at the perverse humour of their friend and signalling to one another the end of that discussion causing them to turn in preparation to leave.

"W-wait! Gah! Here!" Tweek shouted while trying to shove money into Craig's hand after seemingly teleporting from one side of the counter to the other.

"What?"

"For y-your drink. Like Token said, it was my fault, nggh" Tweek twitched while explaining his motives.

"No, it was Clyde's fault that he's such a pussy, it's fine, leave it." Craig muttered, handing the money back to Tweek.

"No. It was my fault, t-take the money" Tweek said, the money being passed to Craig again.

"No." Craig said shoving the money back once more.

Tweek glared at him, thinking over his current problem, "Gah!" he shouted. "My moment of opportunity" he thought as he threw the money at an unsuspecting Craig and used his apparent teleportation powers to run back behind the counter and distract himself with another customer so he could not be interrupted.

Craig stood looking slightly shocked at the money around him, or at least shocked for himself (not really shocked at all) and didn't help his friends as they picked up the money and left the shop. Craig turned to join them but, as he was nearly out of the door, he glanced back at Tweek and saw him smirking while making a complicated looking drink for the customer he had previously occupied himself with.

"Fuck you." Craig said under his breath to the unknowing Tweek. He hated losing. As the door closed shut behind him, he flipped Tweek off without looking back.


	2. Daddy loves you

Chapter 2: Daddy Loves you

"Jesus Christ, he hates me now, what am I going to do, I don't know Craig well enough to do something like that to him, what was I thinking?" was Tweek's general thought process throughout the rest of his day at work. It was true, he hung out with Craig every now and then but they weren't friends. He knew what Craig was like though, and revenge was probably heading his way. Tweek Tweak was one stressed fuck.

"Hello son, how was your day? Good like a cup of finely brewed joe?" questioned as he entered the shop to check stock before closing up.

"Yes Dad, nggh." Ever since Tweek was young, his father had used coffee metaphors and similes as life references. He wasn't used to it, he just tended to ignore it, he knew that people thought "Tweek Tweak couldn't do anything good for himself if three-hundred people were helping him" but he likes to think that hasn't been true since he had grown up more and learned to take the best option he can, ignoring his father.

"Good, good. You can go home now, you know your mother doesn't like you staying here for long, she thinks I'm working you too hard and then I really have my balls in a garlic press." stated with the horrible imagery he had just mentioned in his mind, causing him to shudder.

"Okay Dad." Tweek took of his Harbucks apron, relaxing as his work state fell away from him and he prepared to go home by making a cup of coffee for his journey.

Tweek could drive. He could, he just didn't want to because he didn't think he could. He was constantly worried about possible accidents. Accidents that would lead to years of psychological problems caused through guilt, years of being in slavery to pay his parents back for the insurance costs, years of miserable horrible torture after they GAVE HIM TO THE UNDERPANTS GNOMES AND MADE HIM STEAL PEOPLE'S UNDERPANTS!

"T-thanks for not making me drive and giving me to the underpants gnomes t-to pay you back for insurance c-costs Dad, I l-love you." Tweek told his father while heading out of the door.

"I love you too son" His Dad smiled at him "Like a cup of coffee"

As Tweek walked home, he had a smile on his face. That was by far the nicest thing his father had ever said to him. Coffee was his father's life, he was as important as coffee to his Dad. Tweek swore he nearly cried; normally when he told his parents that he loved them they just repeated it without interest. Tweek was scared of resentment and always made sure to remind them, he never thought they truly believed in the words they replied with but that elaboration gave him so much happiness.

Maybe a tiny tear did creep out of his eye? Just one though, and who could blame him.


	3. A mother's embarrassment

Chapter 3: A mother's embarrassment

Tweek spent about five minutes looking for his keys and trying to open the door with them until suddenly the door flew open and revealed his mother with a happy face as per usual.

"Awww, Tweekie, were you having problems with the door again? Maybe we should get a different kind of lock, I don't want to not be home one day while you struggle to open the door for hours." Mrs. Tweak revealed.

"N-no, no, Mum, I would have been fine, nggh, I was just about t-to get it." Tweek smiled at his mother, annoyed at the embarrassment she managed to make him feel, even when no-one else was around.

"You know me and your father don't mind doing these things to help you out sweetie. Remember that if you need anything, you can just ask us. No matter how small, or how tall-"

"There's not a p-problem for us, no not one at all, y-yes Mum." Tweek finished for her. Usually, he could take her yapping on at him about how much she would do for him but he had homework and she may or may not be wasting precious time that could be spent doing other things.

"As long as you know that sweetie," the aproned woman said to her son. "I'll make you a coffee okay, you go upstairs and get started on that homework of yours! You can't fail school now or…" blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. She really liked to talk, his Mum did.

"Thanks Mum." Tweek quickly said. Rushing upstairs to avoid being pulled back into a conversation. He practically jumped into his room; sweeping it with his eyes to check for burglaries and then slowly shutting his door, letting it click into place silently.

Tweek decided that the first order of business was math. He was good at math. He didn't like it but he was good at it and that meant it would be better to get that out of the way before going onto something like his Religious Studies homework, where the teacher always made them write essays, which were supposed to take fifteen minutes but that he got caught up in and instead spent (sometimes) hours on writing up all of his theories about the topic and everything surrounding it.

Halfway through his math homework, his Mum came upstairs with a nice cup of coffee and an…envelope?

"W-what's that?" Tweek asked, hoping that it wasn't letter notifying him of expulsion from school due to some freak accident he caused without noticing.

"I don't know sweetie, it's addressed to you, it looks like it was hand delivered though, there's no post address or stamp. I'm sure it's fine." Tweek's mother assured him, knowing of the thoughts that tended to roll around the boy's head.

"Okay, thanks Mum, bye! Gah!" Tweek twitched at his Mum in a loving way that also transferred the message 'get the fuck out of my room, I'm scared you're going to start another conversation with me.' Making Mrs. Tweak leave after blowing Tweek a kiss.

Out of habit, the blond boy caught the kiss and again, blushed in embarrassment even though there was nobody to see him (unless they were watching him without his permission).

Tweek went back to his math homework before noticing the envelope his mother had placed beside his green and blue coffee mug. "Nggh," Tweek decided that he would wait until after homework to look at it. He wasn't one to be curious and well…he was a complete coward, not all the time though.


	4. Full proof plans

Chapter 4: Full proof plans

The beeping of an alarm clock pierced the atmosphere as a Tweek with three hours of on and off sleep turned it off immediately, as he had been prepared for it to go off for the past thirty minutes that he had been checking his phone for the time.

He got up, showered, got dressed, went downstairs, ate toast and finally made a cup of coffee to drink with that toast and another one to take with him in his thermos to school.

"The exciting life of Tweek Tweak everyone." He murmured as the toast nearly flew out of the toaster when it popped up.

"What was that honey?" his Mum questioned.

"N-nothing, Mum, don't worry." he replied, spreading peanut butter on his toast and taking sips of coffee.

In three minutes he was ready. Shoes on, check. Backpack, check. Homework, check. And finally, Coffee, check. Tweek smiled at the completion of his checklist routine, still having the feeling that he had forgotten something even though he felt that way every day and it was rarely true.

He went out of the door and started the walk to South Park High School, the school with the 'original name' as Tweek liked to think. The walk was nice; really the whole car thing wasn't a problem. He liked being able to listen to his music, at work he wasn't allowed and at home he could do it as much as he liked until his parents complained that they were worried about his hearing and made him stop whenever they saw him with headphones on.

Arriving at school, Tweek headed straight for his locker so he could prepare for the school day. He mumbled all of the classes he had to himself so that he knew which books to get so that he would be weighed down by them and hardly able to move. After all, who doesn't want that? Although this plan for remembering the books he needed went pretty well, Tweek couldn't deny that the fact he couldn't open his locker was a pretty big pain in the ass.

He stood there for five minutes, trying and trying to open his locker before becoming so angry that he closed his eyes and smashed his head against the door.

"That's not gonna open it, y'know?" a voice to his left said.

"nnggghhh…"

"Craig, I don't think you're helping."

Craig, what the fuck was Craig talking to him for, the hell? Tweek decided he had to open his eyes for this, if it was the end of the world, he'd at least like to know how it happened.

When he twisted his head to the left, the top still resting on the door and creeped his eyes open he decided the scene before him was nothing exciting, he looked up at a as normal bored Craig Tucker and when he took his weight off of the locker he could see a cheerful Clyde Donovan.

"Yeah C-Craig, not helping." Tweek confirmed Clyde's previous words as Craig gave him an amused look. That pissed him off; he wasn't Craig Tucker's amusement and he wasn't a stupid idiot who couldn't open a fucking locker with a four fucking number code, goddamn it!

"This is t-too much pressure…" Tweek decided, looking at the locker with a glare that would kill.

"Do you want me to open it for you?"

"Why would I t-trust you?" Tweek said, surprised at the fact that Craig was offering to help him out, maybe he was planning on putting Tweek in his debt so that he could use him for his evil deeds! What was he going to do?

"I just want to help." It was at this point that Clyde also decided that something was extremely wrong.

"Dude, no offense man," Clyde said in Tweek's direction and then turning to Craig to ask "But why the fuck do you want to help Tweek?"

"Why the fuck not?" Craig offered along with a middle finger in Clyde's face. "Fuck off Clyde, go find Token, I'm staying here."

Clyde was shocked and, as per usual, started to tear up. "Fine, Craig, fine! I'll go find Token but believe me, you will regret this!" As he finished he dramatically turned around, tears dripping and ran off to complain to the innocent Token.

"So..."

"S-so?"

"Yes Tweek, so do you want me to open your locker or not?"

"Ummm…" Tweek trailed off, thinking of all of the reasons that Craig might want to open his locker until realising that Craig was a straightforward person and if he phrased a question in just the right way, he would get just the right answer. This lead him to asking "You and I aren't exactly c-close, why, nggh, why w-would you want to help me without any benefit coming your way?"

"Maybe I'll get the benefit of this wonderful discussion where you insult me to my face! Are you gonna let me help you or what?"

Tweek was actually surprised. His seemingly full proof 'Get answers from Craig' plan didn't work and he managed to get Craig…angry? Craig was never angry, Tweek himself was often more angry than Craig ever was, why the hell was Craig angry?

"Nggh, God the pressure! FINE! FINE! Just don't makemeindebtedtoyousothatyoucanusemeforanevilplanofyoursthatyou'vekeptsecretforyears!" Craig gave Tweek a look, "My code's..ummm, come here." Craig gave Tweek another look but nonetheless leaned down to the blonde so that his secret code could be just that, a secret.

"It's 7154."

"Okay then." Craig put in the numbers and opened the locker in a matter of seconds.

'H-how did you do that? That's amazing!"

"Craig finally show you his dick Tweek?" Kenny shouted as he passed by them in the hall.

"Shut up Ken, come on!" Kyle scolded him giving the other two boys a look of apology as they moved on.

Craig briefly frowned while Tweek turned slightly red at the implication.

"Get your books out."

"Oh y-yeah, thanks anyway, that was…t-thanks…yeah, nggh." Tweek stuttered turning his head to his locker and realising that he now couldn't remember what classes he had. Why did none of his plans ever go well?

"Fuck." he said frowning as he tried to remember so that he wouldn't need to get his timetable out of the bottom of his bag as he had so many times before.

"You have Math and Lit next, the end of the day's French. I don't know about what's in-between."

"Gah!" Tweek quickly assured himself that Craig was in those classes with him and that's how he knew this but still, he had a couple of crazy theories behind Craig's motives for knowing his lessons pass in the back of his mind. Erasing those thoughts, he quickly mumbled another "Thanks."

"You're killing me Tweek."

"WHAT! NO I'M NOT! OH MY GOD ARE YOU RECORDING ME? You'resettingmeupforsomething! Gah! Jesus Christ, why Craig?"

Craig for once looked shocked at one of Tweek's outburst, "No I meant 'cause-" The bell interrupted him so that the following words couldn't be heard and both boys decided that they had to get to class since their math teacher was a complete asshole. "Come on."


	5. The lunch murder plan

Chapter 5: The lunch murder plan

Math was uneventful. Lit was uneventful. When Tweek went back to his locker at break after finding out that his next lessons were Business, Family and Consumer science and finally, like Craig said, French, nothing happened so break was generally uneventful, though he did listen to a couple of Jimmy's jokes with Timmy.

When lunch came Tweek had to decide where to sit. Really, he didn't usually have to decide. He was good in small doses according to many people and that was why, although he was a friend of pretty much everyone in his grade; he wasn't exactly a great friend with anyone.

Usually, at lunch, a table of people would wave him over and he would sit with them but today, he had a bit of a dilemma. Two tables were waving him over and, to make things worse, Clyde, Craig and Token occupied one of these tables. They never called him over and here Token was waving at him. Tweek liked Stan and those guys but he was actually interested in the reason Token would want him to sit with him so he apologetically nodded at Stan who just smiled and accepted the supposed 'loss of Tweek' as he went to sit with the others.

"H-hey, what's up?"

"Come on Tweek, sit down, we want you to sit with us!"

Tweek sat, looking at the faces around the table. Token was obviously being welcoming and smiling at him, Clyde was busy checking some girl out and Craig looked pissed.

"What's wrong with him?" Tweek asked

"To be honest Tweek, I really don't know."

"Oh okay then" Tweek got out the coffee he had made earlier that morning, still hot due to the amazing powers of his awesome thermos. In that moment he wanted to kiss the thing but luckily he knew what weirdness was and didn't want to be the definition so he decided against it.

Tweek wanted to ask why Token had randomly invited him over here but he decided against it and didn't want to interrupt when Clyde started having a conversation with the other about how awesome Bebe was.

"You know Bebe doesn't like you Clyde?"

"You don't know that!" Clyde said, already getting tears in his eyes. Tweek was surprised at Clyde's ability to cry in all honesty. While the other two struck up a conversation about how Clyde should give up on his dating chances with Bebe, Tweek sat back and wondered how one person could create so many tears and not be constantly dehydrated.

After a while of looking blissfully in a daydream about rivers of tears past Clyde's head, Tweek noticed that to the left of his viewpoint, Craig was looking at him.

"What?" he asked, annoyed that Craig had such funny moods. People always acted like Tweek was the one that was crazy but hadn't they ever noticed that Craig seemed like he was constantly PMSing?

Craig got up out of his chair and all of the boys on the table looked at him in confusion. He walked around the table, next to where Tweek was standing and went to grab his wrist when suddenly, it clicked.

Jesus Christ. Tweek thought, it all made sense now. Token had lured him over here with his friendly demeanour and he and Clyde had distracted him, giving Craig a chance to make sure their plan to kill Tweek was perfect. He was now going to pull Tweek up and kill him one way or another, but how? Tweek didn't want to die slowly. Did he really deserve that?

"Craig, p-please no, I'm begging you, if you're going to k-kill me, at least make it quick. If you h-have a gun shoot me in the head, if you have a knife, slit my throat, kill me in the fastest way. Pleasedon'tmakemedielikesomeoneinmortalcombatX!"

Craig pulled his hand away, gave Tweek a thoughtful look and then hauled him up.

"I'm not going to kill you, just come with me, I want to talk about something."

"Huh?" The confusion caused by the adrenaline in his blood now being unnecessary made Tweek unable to process these words so he simply gawked at Craig until he was pulled out of the lunch hall, not noticing all of the eyes in the room on him due to his outburst.


	6. No curiosity for words

Chapter 6: No curiosity for words

"Really? You thought I was going to kill you? That's insane." Craig started when the arrived outside the back of the school…for some reason.

"You're insane! I-I can see it in your eyes!" Tweek defended.

"Oh yeah? Most people like my eyes, say they're the only good feature I have."

"You have loads of good features!"

"…"

Tweek just looked at Craig calmly, wondering why the boy wasn't talking until he realised what he just said.

"Not, n-not in a weird way th-though. Nggh, sorry…"

"It's fine, that wasn't exactly an insult." Craig smiled at Tweek's embarrassment, "So, I guess you're wandering what I wanted to talk to you about?"

"Yeah, w-what?"

"That note yesterday, sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out so strange, I just wanted to piss you off really."

"Note?"

"Yeah, with the money."

"Money?"

"In the envelope with your name on it."

"Envelope?" Tweek furrowed his brows in thought "Wait, envelope, t-that was you? Oh, I haven't read it yet. Gah! Wait! What do you mean m-money?"

Craig was surprised that Tweek hadn't read the note; he was kind of annoyed to be honest. He expected Tweek to come up to him at the beginning of the day, pissed or freaked out or something but no. Tweek hadn't even read it, hadn't even opened the envelope that Craig had randomly felt was essential for life. When Tweek didn't say anything to him that morning, he was worried that he went too far, he knew that Tweek was easy to make bolt and he had been, embarrassingly, worried about it. For some strange reason, Craig liked Tweek and he didn't want to lose the little inkling of friendship the two had.

"Forget it. Just throw the note in the envelope in the trash when you get home, you won't want to read it. Bye." He muttered, walking off to go back to Clyde and Token.

Tweek guessed that this was some kind of signal that he wasn't allowed to go back to the canteen with Craig and so he decided to go to the library and get a book for Lit homework instead. For the rest of the day, Tweek debated over whether or not to read the note.

He had to go to work after school as usual and he didn't get home until seven at which point he had decided that he knew what to do. He would throw the note away. After all, it sounded like he wouldn't like the note, Craig had literally told him he wouldn't 'want' to read it and Tweek didn't want to risk his mental health for curiosity. Curiosity killed the cat is the first thing that popped into his head when he considered reading the note and that was his main view on the idea ever since.


	7. Flipping elephants off

Chapter 7: Flipping elephants off

Tweek had just picked up the envelope and was sitting on his bed, about to open it and throw any scraps of paper in the bin when he heard the doorbell. His Mum was shopping today and Tweek quickly ran down the stairs trying to ignore all of his fears of falling because he knew that people who came to the Tweak house usually didn't want to be there and would use the excuse of "no one came to the door fast enough" to escape.

He quickly opened the door and revealed a surprised looking Craig.

Why was Craig surprised?

"What's wrong? Jesus Christ! Did someone die?"

Craig's face was back to normal "No? Why?"

"Well, you're at my house for one and you looked surprised." Tweek explained.

"Who can blame me, I thought an elephant was falling down the stairs."

"WHAT?" Tweek looked at Craig in confusion until what he was implying sank in, "Hey! Are you calling me fat?"

"Are you sure you're male?"

"Nggh, whatever. What are you doing here anyway?"

"The note."

"What?"

"Really, again? The fucking note!"

"Oh right sorry, what about it?"

"Did you read it?"

"No. You told me not to!"

"You threw it away?" Craig was surprised. He knew that Tweek didn't like surprises but this was weird, how could he not even be slightly interested?

"Not yet, I was just about to. Why?"

"Curiosity."

"You don't seem like the type to be curious." Tweek murmured.

"Yeah, well you do but look at what I've got." Craig replied, flipping him off.

"What was that for?"

"You insulted me."

"Doesn't everyone do that?"

"Don't I flip everyone off?"

Tweek turned this idea over in his mind and noted that, yes, Craig did flip everyone off.

"So what do you want then?"

"Nothing." Craig turned and walked away from him, just like that.

"Wait, why'd you come here just for that?"

Craig flipped him off again without looking back, "Curiosity." He stated.


	8. Tweek's a genius

Chapter 8: Tweek's a genius

Craig had done it. Craig had made Tweek curious. He was conflicted now, he thought that it would be fine to just forget the note ever existed but he couldn't. He decided that he would at least open the envelope since Craig mentioned something else, money, wasn't it?

He opened the envelope. Or at least he tried to, but the thing acted like it had been stuck together with super glue. He had to go back downstairs and grab a pair of scissors from the kitchen so that he could cut the fucking thing open. This whole process made Tweek very concerned about is life prospects; he really couldn't even open a fucking envelope?

He finally got it open and poured the contents out onto his bed. Inside he found $4.49 and a folded up piece of notepaper. He guessed with his genius logic that the notepaper was the note and he put it in the top drawer of his bedside table, refusing to think about it for the time being while dwelling on the question of why Craig Tucker would give him $4.49.

And then, it clicked. Craig was an asshole.


	9. Wedding of the furious

Chapter 9: Wedding of the furious

The next day at school Tweek marched straight up to Craig the second he saw him standing by Token's locker with, of course, Token.

"What the fuck C-Craig?"

Craig looked at him "You read the note?"

"No! I didn't read the fucking note but I got this!" Tweek held, in his hand the $4.49.

Craig smirked at him, in the back of his mind processing the fact that Tweek had willpower beyond belief to not read that note yet.

"What's that?"

"You fucking know what it is! Take it back!"

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"What the fuck is this, preschool?" Token intersected after paying attention to this brief back and forth and earning himself a couple of glares. "You two look cute when you glare together, I can see your wedding invitation already: 'Come to the Tucker-Tweak wedding one and all, to get your heads blown up with our evil-eye power'"

The two boys wanted to keep glaring but with what Token said in mind they instead returned their faces to casual expressions. One twitching more than the other of course.

"If you don't take your fucking money, I swear, I will find a way to make you wish you had."

Craig wouldn't admit it but this did actually freak him out, a bit. Tweek was obviously known for the fact that he could be a complete pussy but people also knew that Tweek had a side that was scarier. Tweek had even tied with Craig in a fight in 3rd Grade.

"Go ahead." Craig smirked and walked away from Tweek, flipping him off once more.

Tweek was red. So red, it made his strawberry blonde hair look white. He was fucking furious.

Token was scared for Craig "Ummm…Tweek? He didn't mean it in a bad way, he's Craig y'know?"

"Yeah Token, yeah, I know." Tweek stormed off to collect his books, angry and hoping that his locker would open because otherwise, he swore he would have to kill whoever was closest to him.


	10. Locker sex life

Chapter 10: Locker sex life

Tweek ran into the class, out of breath and red in the face. 'Fuck my locker' being the only thought process at that moment.

"Mr. Tweak, where were you exactly." the Science teacher questioned.

"I…locker…nggh…can't…ah, Jesus." Tweek tried to explain, panting between words and sitting down while speaking.

"Hmmm…Well I'm sure that when you've caught your breath at the end of the lesson you can explain yourself to me, hmmm?"

Tweek nodded at her, still taking in big gulps of air as she went back to talking at the class.

"Why you so breathy Tweek?" Kenny asked, winking.

"Like you even need to ask, Kinny. Tweek obviously just got fucked." Cartman smirked as Kenny laughed at Tweek's face; it was going back to it's 'normal' white colour but now he was turning a shade of pink once more.

"You don't need to feel so embarrassed about your sex life you know! We'll accept you no matter what man!" Kenny offered…loudly.

Everyone turned to look and noted that Kenny was saying Tweek had a sex life worth talking about. This was deemed laugh worthy and was therefore laughed at.

Tweek went even redder and glared at Kenny punching him in the arm.

"Fuck Tweek! How many times do I need to tell you, your right hook's too mean for that." Kenny moaned causing Cartman to snicker at his weakness. "Hey, why's Tucker looking at you?"

"Huh?" Tweek asked, turning in the direction Kenny was looking just in time to notice that Craig seemed to be turning from looking at him, even though, being Craig, nothing about his expression gave him away. "I dunno." Tweek shrugged, thinking that it was probably for the same reason that everyone else had been two seconds ago but Craig had just lingered more because…really, what else was there to do in this class, learn?

Everything continued with the occasional joke and interesting piece of gossip taking place. Of course, no-one payed attention to the actual lesson or any others through the rest of the day. Just another normal day in South Park High.


	11. Golden underpants dates

Chapter 11: Golden underpants dates

From then on everything continued fairly normally, though something had changed: Now, everyday, Tweek would sit with Craig's gang at lunch. He didn't really want to since he was worried that everybody else would start disliking him due to the lack of maintenance in his friendships but he didn't have a choice.

He tried to sit with Butters a couple of days after the first time he sat with them but immediately Clyde came over and dragged him away from Butters kicking and screaming, literally, Tweek thought Clyde was trying to kill him, the whole time he was yelling at Butters to kill Clyde. He felt bad about that whenever he thought about it though; Clyde was really nice to him.

To Tweek it didn't make any sense that those boys would want to sit with him. He had started creating many theories over their reasons to do so and would every now and then insert a question into casual table conversations about this and that (Mostly gnomes and crab people) but every time he did so, he either got a funny look or a joke.

"S-so, Clyde, seen any good underpants r-recently?"

"…YEAH DUDE! The other day I was going through my drawers and I saw a pair of golden underpants, they weren't very comfortable though so I just sold them. Mmm, I got that money, spent it on a date, the girl asked me where I got $300 from, I told her 'magic golden underpants' and she threw her drink in my face and ran out of the restaurant saying I didn't respect the relationship we'd had for about ten minutes. It was great!"

"Careful Clyde, I could actually see a girl running out on you because of you talking about underpants, your jokes have to be more unrealistic."

"Shut up Token."

Yeah, everything was going pretty well, nothing else had changed really. Tweek was, however, slowly but surely coming up with an awesome revenge plan. He wanted to find a way to give Craig back the money again because…reasons?

Okay, maybe Tweek didn't know why he cared so much about this, he didn't really have any pride to lose and giving money away wasn't exactly going to give him a profit (Gah! Step 3!) but he just felt like he had to get Craig back in a better way than glaring at him at lunch. He needed a plan, one that worked, but what could it be?


	12. Evil birthday presents

Chapter 12: Evil birthday presents

He had it. Tweek had the best plan ever and it had just presented itself to him. He was kind of annoyed that all of the time he had spent thinking of what to do was pointless but really, who cares? He knew what he was going to do, he just had to work out how to do it without looking suspicious, hmmm…

"S-so Craig…"

Casual, casual, casual, Tweek. Casual!

"Yes Tweek?" Craig asked.

Casual Tweek fully functional, and…question, "W-what would you like f-for your birthday?"

A couple of seconds passed with Craig managing to look at Tweek with more of a 'you're an idiot' look than usual as he said "Tweek. My birthday's in October."

"WHAT! NO IT"S NOT! C-Clyde and Token were talking about a p-party at lunch yesterday!" Tweek shouted, possibly giving Craig a higher chance of being deaf as an old person.

"They like to plan ahead." At this point, Craig decided it was appropriate to be suspicious so he asked, "Why would you want to get me anything anyway?"

"Huh?"

'Great.' Craig thought, 'he looks offended, how is that even slightly rude?' "Well, we haven't been hanging out that long, you know?"

"I like getting people presents!" Tweek stated, on the defensive and with the 'I hate you for existing' glare back in action, wonderful. "You know what!"

"What Tweek, I'm an asshole, yeah, thanks for telling me, I totally didn't know that yet"

"No" Tweek smirked, "I'm a lovely person so…I'm going to get you a present anyway. Hah! You weren't expecting that were you?"

Don't worry, Tweek hadn't gone insane, he just kept thinking that the element of surprise was a good course of action and didn't really take into account the fact that none of what he was saying made any sense in the terms of getting back at Craig.

He instead decided that this was an even better plan than before and felt that it was appropriate to exit the conversation and get started on putting it into action immediately.

He left Craig sitting on his bed, annoyed because his Mum would now force him to help her clean without the excuse of him having a friend round to stop her. Maybe Craig had suffered slightly from Tweek's new plan? But, really he was getting a present and money, how could he complain even if he knew that the actions were in spite?


	13. And a blue one and a yellow one

Chapter 13: And a blue one and a yellow one

"Craig. Craig! Gah! C-CRAIG!"

The napping Craig jumped slightly at the last mention of his name and turned to Tweek asking "What?" not looking pleased about the interruption of his sleep.

In his hands, Tweek held a small box covered in yellow wrapping paper with a blue ribbon.

"What's that?" Craig questioned.

"It's that p-present I told you I was going to g-give you, nggh."

"Seriously? You didn't need to do that Tweek, presents are soooo not necessary right now." Craig was very confused, why was Tweek giving him a present? He was slightly worried that Tweek was becoming clingy or that there was a bomb in that package because Tweek had decided he couldn't handle Craig anymore. When Craig thought this however, he noted that he had probably just been spending too much time with Tweek and that the other boy was just an unusually giving person.

"W-Well, that's too bad isn't it I already wrapped it and everything." Tweek stated firmly, putting the box in front of Craig and acting like nothing had happened while he continued to sip on his coffee and read a book.

"Umm..okay." Craig went to open the present, curious as to what Tweek would have given him since he wasn't asked for any requests, a common occurrence with Clyde and Token even though they knew him better than anyone and should understand by now that he DOESN'T FUCKING CARE!

Yep, he's spending too much time with Tweek. He never usually shouted in his head.

"Wait, wait, wait! What're y-you doing?" Tweek glanced at Craig reaching for the present and was met with a fairly perplexed look.

"You just gave me the present, what do you want me to do with it?"

"You can't open it yet! Wait 'till you get home! I-I can't see people opening p-presents I-I bought! THAT'S WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE MAN! THE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS! OhmygodIrememberthatpresentIboughtmyMumwhenIwaslitteandshehateditand-"

"-Okay! Tweek, I get it." Craig assessed the situation. "You suck at giving presents." was said with a middle finger to Tweek's face.

"S-Sorry…" Tweek casted his eyes downwards. He actually felt kind of bad about giving Craig the present to get back at him for the whole money ordeal since Tweek logic stated that this was an evil action and now Craig was shaking his already insecure present-giving skills. He concluded that this was all too much pressure and started tugging on his hair.

Craig noticed this action: one only done when Tweek seemed to be stressed or sad and upon deciding the reason was the latter, felt bad himself. "Hey, Tweek?"

"Mmmm?"

"How'd you choose the colours?"

"I t-thought they were y-you're favourite."

Craig's chest felt warm, "They are." He gently smiled at Tweek and then put the present in his bag as Clyde and Token came back from yet another failed 'getting Clyde some girl/person/thing to date' mission.

Nobody else had noticed the fact that he likes blue AND yellow.


	14. Slave to all

Chapter 14: Slave to all

When Craig got home his first thought was to open the present Tweek had given him. Okay, maybe he hadn't really stopped thinking about it. What could you expect though, Tweek had created mystery around it and now, he really wanted to know what it was.

He had considered opening it in class but he didn't because…well, he didn't know what Tweek's sense of humour was like yet. Sometimes, no one would have said anything and he would just burst into laughter. He had explained that this was because he thought of something funny in his head but Craig still wasn't sure if he should classify Tweek as completely sane.

In other words, this present may be a joke and Craig didn't want to risk that awkward feeling he got every time someone talked to him if someone in class saw it and mentioned it…or looked at him.

Annoyingly, he first had to cater to the needs of his sister. The second he walked in the door he heard, "Craig! I'm hungry!"

Craig loved his sister. He had been raised to do so. He hated how much he had to do for her though. And yes, he did have to do it: The love and the upbringing combined to make him into the perfect slave for his younger sibling and she took advantage of that often. He knew she also loved him though, so, he didn't mind too much.

Once he had taken care of that situation, he could then move onto the present right? You'd think so but NO! Really, Craig did have a choice in this one but he didn't want to risk it. He had to feed Walker, his guinea pig. Guinea pigs only tended to live for 5ish years and his previous one, Stripe, had died at a good age really but Craig was 15 at the time and very sad about the situation. His parents bought him a new guinea pig that winter, he felt guilty about moving on so fast but he had done it before and he fell in love with Walker just as much as the others.

Craig had given Walker his name because his parents also got him The Walking Dead that winter and it ended up working out because Walker loved walking but he always did it at a zombie-like pace. Walker was basically Craig's child and that is why he had no choice in having to make sure that everything in his MASSIVE cage was perfect before going onto the present.

BUT! Once Craig had finished with his check-up, his Dad burst into the room and requested his presence at the dinner table because they had been shouting for him "for fucking ages" and they didn't "have the time to wait for him to say grace or" God would curse them "Out of house and home".

Craig often felt like his family was too dramatic.

Once he had eaten dinner, his Mum told him to do the dishes, then his sister forced (asked) him to help her with her homework. Once that was over he had to do his own homework because he was "a good boy"(That's his Mum) and it was a rule that homework was done at the kitchen table with no distractions so, no present.

Once he had finished he thought, "Finally!" and practically flew up the stairs, he ran into his room and over to his desk to get his prize for all effort he had made to attain it so far.

"CRAIG!"

…Damn it, "Yes, Sir?"

"GO GET BREAD!"

Craig sighed, cast a glance at the present, went downstairs and picked up the keys for the family car.

By this point he had realised he was not just a slave for his sister but the rest of his family too…and his guinea pig.

"This is sooo great" He mumbled getting into the car at 10pm, knowing that he would hit his bed and fall asleep the second he got home, no time for presents. He flipped off his house as he backed out of the driveway. At this time, Tweek was on the other side of town, wondering how Craig reacted to the present and worried about it's consequences.


	15. Blinding lasagne fights

Chapter 15: Blinding lasagne fights

As Tweek waited for lunch to come, he wondered how Craig would have reacted to the present. Would he love it? Hate it? Would he notice why it was given?

These questions were of course, a big mistake. Tweek wasn't known for being calm as he considered things and by the end of his fourth lesson his thoughts were that Craig was going to find some horrible way to murder him and there was nothing he could do about it.

The bell rang as he accepted his oncoming death and hoped that there was either no afterlife or that there was a good one. He packed up and headed to the canteen.

Only Token was sitting at the table and Tweek approached him with caution, just in case Craig had already spread the word that there was a price on the head of one Tweek Tweak.

"Hey T-Token."

"Oh hey Tweek!" Token smiled and continued eating his lunch. His very expensive, gourmet lunch. Tweek wasn't a massive eater of food but at that moment his mouth watered looking at the pallet of food before Token, his meals must have cost $50 a day.

Tweek jumped as Craig collapsed into the seat opposite him. He then prepared for extreme pain.

"Nggh…"

Craig raised a brow at him, "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing!"

"Okay then…"

Suddenly, the three boys heard the sound of crashing plates. Every now and then a plate would be dropped in the canteen but this was more sound than usual.

Tweek turned just as a plate of lasagne was thrown in his direction.

"Gah! Jesus Christ! It's the gnomes! They'retryingtoblindmewithlasagnepleasesomebodyhelpme! Aaaaaaaggggghhhhhh!" He ran around the table screaming, avoiding the imaginary gnome predators until Craig put his arm out and stopped him…by hitting him right in the gut.

"Aaagghhh! Jesus Christ, THE PAIN!" Tweek keeled over and ended up lying in the middle of the canteen with pasta sauce over his face and in his hair.

"You okay?" Craig leaned over him, looking slightly concerned.

"NO! OF COURSE NOT! Oh my G-God, I bet y-you did this!"

Craig leaned back as though Tweek's words had pushed him, "Hey! What? No I didn't."

"It's to get back at me. Th-this is how I'm g-going to die."

Craig leaned forwards again, "You're not going to die because of someone throwing lasagne at you. Come on I'll take you to get cleaned up."

Craig stood and pulled Tweek up. He dusted him off and they exited the canteen. As they left Craig flipped off the reasons for Tweek's meltdown. Of course it was Cartman and Kyle, always fighting for no reason. He didn't have a clue why they kept hanging out with each other. Better them than him though; he didn't want to get stuck with some crazy bastards all the time, besides Tweek maybe. But Tweek was cool so who cared?


	16. Lighting up the humour of Tweek

Chapter 16: Lighting up the humour of Tweek

When Tweek had finally gotten all of the sauce and pasta off of himself, he stood in the bathroom, dripping water onto the stained floor tiles.

"C-Craig…I think I need a towel."

"Mmmm…" Craig stood, thinking for a moment. He lifted his head and Tweek swore that he saw a metaphorical light bulb. "You can use toilet paper, let's see…" Craig moved across the toilet stalls looking in each one.

He grimaced, "Well that's kind of digusting…"

"W-What is?"

"There isn't any."

"Oh." Tweek let this information sink in and his face joined Craig as it computed. "It's p-probably the f-fucking gnomes. Nggh." He shivered: Partly due to the thought of gnomes and partly due to the fact that he was standing in a bathroom without any heating (Their school had to be environmentally friendly 'mmkay?') and covered in water.

Craig noted this and caught onto the way that his previous solution to the problem at hand had quickly died out.

"Do you have any spare clothes? Gym kit or anything?"

Tweek frowned, "N-no."

"Okay then. Come on." Craig grabbed Tweek's hand and pulled him out of the bathroom. After a while Tweek managed to understand that they were heading to Craig's locker and matched Craig's pace.

Craig was set on getting to his destination but, after several seconds, he noticed that people were staring at Tweek and him. He dismissed this as Tweek started to panic about it and they reached Craig's locker.

"So…" Craig started, opening his locker so fast that Tweek could only think he had some sort of magical locker opening power. "What's with the gnomes?"

"They're t-the little guys that, that come into your room l-late at night and steal your underpants."

"So that's what it is huh?"

Tweek's eyes squinted as Craig mocked him.

"Don't give me that look Tweek. Here." Craig handed his Gym sweater to him. "Don't worry, it's clean."

"Gah! What am I supposed t-to do with it?"

"Use what you're wearing now to dry off, then change into this."

"Nggh, okay." They both stood there, looking at one another.

"Tweek."

"Yeah."

"What are you doing?"

"W-What are you doing?"

Craig smirked, "Come on, just take off your shirt."

"WHAT!" Tweek yelled.

Craig's smile grew. Tweek explained to him that he could go fuck himself for finding everything Tweek did so funny and then stormed off to go get changed in the bathroom.

Craig felt happy; Tweek was very funny. That shirt was going to be too big for him. Craig'd have to make fun of him for it later.


	17. The guinea pig masters

Chapter 17: The guinea pig masters

When Craig got home that evening, he managed to squeeze in a little bit of time to open the present he got from Tweek.

He undid the bow and took off the wrapping paper. After a classic 'Thanks for getting me a box' moment, Craig tried to open said box. When he realised this mission was completely fruitless considering the fact that Tweek had coated the thing in layers of cello tape, Craig got scissors and completed the job in style.

It was a mug.

Craig really wasn't sure how to feel about that…he liked it but…he wasn't a mug person. He was hardly a person, come on! He sat staring into the box for several moments until he decided to take it out. He could use it as an ornament if it would have no practical use anyway.

He took it out an-FUCK THAT! THIS WAS THE BEST PRESENT EVER!

The mug was blue and there was a drawing of a guinea pig on it sipping from a similar mug that, when you looked closely, you could see had a human on it. Craig swore that human was even wearing a blue chullo. He wondered if Tweek had made it for him.

Damn it. Even when Tweek wasn't present he made him smile. CURSES TO THE GOD'S!

"I think I'm a bit too happy about this" Craig said to no-one, a strangely cheerful lilt to his voice which he swore had never been there before. Why was he so happy about this? It was a mug, that he would probably never use.

But Tweek personalised it perfectly without even asking Craig about himself. Craig's own PARENTS couldn't do that.

After passing all of these thoughts through his head, Craig decided that, considering how busy his parents liked making him (He was working on a DIY project with his Mum at the moment. Though, it was more of a CDIY, "Craig, Do It Yourself" project than anything) he should probably get on with his life.

He placed the mug on his bedside table, with care. Then he went to put the rubbish in the bin. He noticed however that his hand touched something metal and he realised that coins were embedded within the layers of tape. He peeled the coins out and stared at them for a moment.

"$4.49?" Craig mumbled and then it hit him. (A bus…I'm joking, sorry)


	18. Cheap, homemade perfection

Chapter 18: Cheap, homemade perfection

"Hey Tweek."

"H-Hey Craig."

"You alright?"

"W-What, of course." Tweek turned to look at Craig, suspicion rising.

"Good."

Tweek looked at Craig a bit longer. Craig looked back. Tweek prepared to turn around again. Craig grabbed Tweek and crushed him in his arms.

"GAH! Ohmygod SOMEONE H-HELP ME! AAARRRRGGGHHH!" Tweek squirmed to escape but it was no use. He was trapped, on the verge of tears.

"Shhhh, it's fine man! People are looking at me funny now. That was a hug." Craig was slightly red in the face. Tweek could tell he didn't like attention so he felt guilty for drawing it but what Craig did was pretty stupid. Why did he hug Tweek and think that was going to go well if he gave no warning beforehand?

In fact, "Why d-did you hug me?"

"I liked my present."

Tweek's jaw dropped open, "Really? I t-thought you'd hate it!"

"No…did you make it?" Craig questioned.

"Yeah. Sorry i-if that's a bit cheap b-but, it wasn't ac-actually your birthday and, an-"

"It's fine Tweek, I loved it." Craig smiled at Tweek's need to explain an act of kindness and then abruptly stopped, reminding himself that he shouldn't smile so much. "It was soooo cool. It was like inception: A human drinking from a guinea pig mug drinking from a human mug. How'd you think of it?"

"W-Well I know you like guinea pig's and that you love yours so much he's like a person to you so I thought that I could…k-kinda see you buying him a tiny m-mug with you on it. It didn't really make much sense, s-sorry" Tweek cringed at his explanation.

"Don't be. It was perfect. Bye." Craig went out of Tweek's view from the back of the school. Craig kept bringing him here. Tweek thought about that.

"Jesus! I hope he isn't t-trying to make me accustomed to t-this place so he can, he can k-kill me! OhmyJesusfuckingtapdancingChrist!" Tweek quickly escaped from the place, shuffling out and reminding himself to avoid coming back here as he realised Craig had said he did something 'perfect'. Craig must be insane.

"GAH! He's d-definitely a psychopath!"

People in the courtyard looked at him as Tweek shouted this, running to his locker, fitting with his new resolution to go there early so he wouldn't miss lessons.


	19. Skipping to the attention of love

Chapter 19: Skipping to the attention of love

"This is a problem." Craig thought as he sat in technology, not paying the slightest bit of attention even though this was one of the only classes he managed to enjoy and he was usually a fairly attentive student no matter what.

Craig had noticed how much he liked being around Tweek, obviously. He had realised that when he got that present his heart had…skipped a beat? And God when he hugged him it felt…nice?

"I can face this." Craig told himself mentally. "It's cool. It's Tweek…Tweek's cool."

"Damn it!" Craig said…said?

"What was that ?"

"Nothing sir, sorry." Craig bowed his head; the class was looking at him now. He was usually very good at not being noticed, what was happening to him? When Tweek…hugged him, Craig hadn't even cared about the people looking at him, he had an itch at the back of his mind but, he had to admit, he was a bit distracted.

Craig liked Tweek.

He was okay with this. Wasn't he?

Not really. He could see so many problems with it. Not 'Oh no I'm gay problems' don't worry, Craig was 17 and pretty sure of his sexual tendencies but, nonetheless, why did he have to like Tweek? Would Tweek know anything about his fucking sexual tendencies? Craig couldn't imagine Tweek in any of those situations it would be…it would be…okay maybe he could imagine it.

"Stop imagining it, stop it Craig." He groaned, "This is so stupid."

Craig flipped himself off and started thinking again, "You'll figure everything out Craig. It's fine. You shouldn't be so cruel to Tweek: He's not exactly normal but he's still a teenage boy and has the same hormones as other people. It wasn't ever exactly obvious when someone was horny…really." he told himself.

Most people even said that they thought Craig was completely uninterested in EVERYONE, the same thing was said about Tweek so really, that would probably work out. Still there were problems though.

After all, Craig was a secret pussy. How could he…confess?


	20. Thoughts of death, inequality & pockets

Chapter 20: Thoughts of death, inequality and pockets

For the past week, Craig had been acting funny. Tweek didn't like this; he thought it might be to do with the plan Craig had to kill him at the back of the school. Maybe Craig hadn't gone as far away as Tweek thought he did when he called him a psychopath. OH GOD! Craig knew that Tweek knew what he was up to. Tweek was dead then…great.

Clyde was bored. There were no girls in school because they went to an anti-sexism march or something and boys weren't allowed to go. That's right, they weren't ALLOWED. Sometimes Clyde was shocked about how people turned inequality around so much. He knew that not everyone was like that but South Park was pretty bad: Everyone was on a different side of the spectrum and each side was the right side to them but not to anyone else.

Since the students of South Park managed to spot this and would totally change everything it was all going to be fine, right?

Wrong.

All the students who spotted it were all the ones that had a destiny involving the removal of their person from South Park. In other words, all the smart ones would leave the stupid ones behind to raise more clever and dumb to continue the process.

No-one really knew how the insane people left in South Park could raise smart children but somehow it happened. Clyde was glad that he was probably going to leave. Most people classed him as stupid because he could be, really, really stupid. However, that was mostly because he wasn't book smart. That's not to say he didn't try to be smart though and he definitely had more common sense than some people.

He was one of those kids who didn't get involved with the stupidity that happened in South Park and this is why he would be leaving. He would leave and so would: Craig, Token, people no-one had heard much of for some reason and more. Maybe Tweek would even get to leave, maybe? Clyde wasn't sure about Tweek.

He liked him but he just thought Craig was acting suspiciously lately and that it was because of Tweek. Clyde was pretty sure that Token had been told of the reason since Token was the reason Tweek started hanging out with them, calling him over to their table and everything while Craig looked grumpily at him.

Clyde knew Craig liked guys and couldn't help but wonder in Craig had a crush on Tweek. It didn't make much sense though; the two hadn't ever properly hung out with one another until recently.

"Why's everyone so quiet?" Token asked while sitting down in the gap left for him for after he came back from his extra lesson time used to get A* grades (Token was weird like that).

Craig looked at him, "We're thinking, you should try it sometime."

"Pfft, don't talk to me about thinking Craig. What are you thinking about?" Everyone kept looking at him, no-one said a word. "Tweek?"

"Gah! I'm GONNA D-DIE!"

"Of course, what else would you be thinking of?" He turned to look forwards from Tweek, "Clyde?"

"Inequality?"

"…Why?"

Clyde shrugged and then he turned to look at Craig as Token and Tweek cast glances at the guinea pig mad boy too.

"I'm always curious as to what's in your head Craig, give us a hint?"

Craig looked around, his gaze resting on Tweek. He smirked, "Pockets."

Clyde looked between Tweek and Craig. "What is this? The Hobbit?"

Everyone laughed and Tweek looked on at Craig in confusion, "What was that about?" he asked.

"Hugging is a good way to get stuff in people's pockets."

Craig kept a steady face as Tweek looked at him for a while, thinking of everyone who had ever hugged him.

As Tweek ran off screaming: Craig laughed and the two other boys wondered what was happening and why they didn't recognise that chuckle as much as they probably should.


	21. Guilt and romantic apologies

Chapter 21: Guilt and romantic apologies

Was Craig insane? Why was he making Tweek worry like this? Tweek couldn't stop thinking of all the people who could have put things in his pockets by hugging him. What if they put a bomb in his pockets? What if they coated the lining of his pockets with poison knowing that Tweek would put his hands in them and then bite his nails or eat food, killing himself! What would he do?

"Hey Tweek, are you okay?"

"O-of course I'm NOT OKAY! What, what am I going t-to do? They'reallgoingtohugmeandkillme! My p-parents have the p-perfect solution! Theydon'tevenneedtothinkaboutit! They just need t-to ask you! Why? Why would you d-do this to me?"

"Woah, Tweek. Calm down!" Craig was worried, he knew Tweek might get creeped out about this but he seemed to be in a complete panic.

"I, I c-can't...I can't", Tweek dropped to his knees.

"Tweek! Wha-" Craig noticed Tweek's red face and realised that he'd made him cry. The guilt was so strong for him, his heart felt like it was being pulled apart. He did this. "Are you okay? Can, can I get you something?"

"I can't breathe I just…don't leave me."

"Okay." Craig gathered Tweek into his arms. "Okay."

They sat there for a moment as Tweek calmed down. He still wasn't used to this, he hated having panic attacks in public, it was so embarrassing, especially since they made him so clingy. "S-sorry Craig." Tweek started laughing in embarrassment.

"Are you okay? What happened? Was that a panic attack."

"Yeah...I think so, s-sorry."

Craig couldn't believe this. He made Tweek have a panic attack. He felt full on evil right now. "No Tweekers, no. I'm sorry. God I made that happen. I was trying to joke around with you, I didn't realise that would happen. I'm really sorry."

Tweek chuckled awkwardly, "It's f-fine. What joke was that though?"

"It was…I hugged you yesterday. I may have put something in your pocket."

Tweek's eyes widened, "WHAT? What w-was it? Are you trying to, to assassinate me?"

"No no no. It was, just look and see."

"I'm n-not wearing the same clothes as I was yesterday dumbass."

"Oh…yeah…" Craig cringed; he hated being scolded and Tweek doing it felt really weird.

"I-I'll look when I get home. Promise it won't k-kill me?"

Craig looked into Tweek's eyes, "Promise."

"Woah! Romantic moment, they're staring into each other's eyes. Come on Kyle, this way." Kenny carefully guided Kyle and himself around the edges of the hallways winking at Craig and Tweek. "Not exactly the best place guys." He whispered loudly, gesturing around as Craig glared at him.

"Jesus Christ!" Tweek jumped up with his back turned to a crouching Craig as what Kenny had said sank in. Because of this, Craig quickly flipped off Kenny's back before Tweek turned to face him.

Tweek was about to apologise but Craig jumped in first, "I'm soooo sorry for doing that. I'll make sure to not do it again."

Tweek smiled at his feet, "It's f-fine Craig. Most people would be fine with stuff like, like that. I wouldn't expect you t-to know the consequences of setting me off."

Craig frowned at Tweek's dismissal of his apology and asked if he could help the other with his locker. Tweek looked at the time and realising that there were ten minutes until the end of break, nodded at the offer (Yes, his locker was that fucking awful).

"D-Did you eat?"

"Yes Tweek."

"You sure?"

"Yes Tweek."

"Definitely?"

Craig smirked, "Yes Tweek." And the conversation ended with that.


	22. War with a smart waiter

Chapter 22: War with a smart waiter

When Tweek got home he discovered the $4.99 in his pockets and, instead of breaking out in anger, laughed. He felt this was going to be a long war between Craig and him. He was annoyed that Craig had spotted his AMAZING trick though, he had been very proud of it.

He decided that he would need to come up with a new plan. He had just come back from work but he really wanted to win this and had to discover a way to do so, meaning that sleeping was off his list of important things for tonight, It's not like he'd get much anyway.

Tweek thought for quite a while of what he could do but he didn't know, wait, didn't Craig have a job? If Tweek could find out where Craig worked, he could buy something for…$5.01? Then he would just give Craig $10 and tell him to keep the rest. But no! It felt like they had to use the same money they had originally. Tweek would have to give it to Craig in change…but how could he do that and not actually get anything for whatever it was he bought (If that makes sense)? This was so annoying.

Tweek heard the sound of twinkling bells, notifying him of a text message. He checked his phone and saw that it was from Craig, perfect! He could just ask him about where he worked now!

Craig: Hey Tweekers. How are you?

Tweek: Good. Where'd Tweekers come from?

Craig: I guess I just did it without thinking, sorry.

Tweek: It's fine, I think it's funny. Hey, where do you work?

Craig: Who says I work?

Tweek: I think you did.

Craig: I'm not telling you.

Tweek: I'll just ask Clyde and Token otherwise.

Craig: I work at Denny's.

Tweek: No way really! Perfect!

Craig: What?

Tweek: Nothing. Bye.

Craig: Tweek come on.

Craig: Tweek!

Craig: TWEEK!

Craig: I texted you for a reason you know?

Tweek didn't read the final text messages Craig sent. He had spent so long thinking of a plan (He wasn't great at having plan ideas okay?) and now he had to do homework or he'd die or something.

Tweek had the perfect plan now though. He could just tip Craig! This was perfect. Tweek laughed imagining Craig having to wear smart clothes to work. He would have to dress in all black probably…and he would have to take of his chullo, his hair would probably be slightly messy because of wearing a hat so often and he would have to do that cute fake smile he had at all the customers.

Wait…WHAT?


	23. Proof of midnight walks

Chapter 23: Proof of midnight walks

"So that means that the economy would collapse b-because-"*knock*"-because no-one would-"*knock*"-Gah! Buy from t-the shops and ummm-"*knock*"-Shut up window!"

Tweek turned to glare at his window. Wait windows didn't have the ability to make noises. Why was his window making noises?

"Jesus Christ! The window's after me!"

Tweek jumped across the room and pressed his back against the wall, as far as he could be from his window. He stayed there momentarily until he heard a muffled speaking sound. Crawling to the window with caution, Tweek took a quick glance outside.

"C-CRAIG?"

Craig had been standing outside his window looking down at his feet, at the sound of his name he looked up to Tweek's window hopefully. He made a gesturing motion telling Tweek to come downstairs. The blonde gave him a look that, really, Tweek had no right to give (The 'I think you're insane look') and then decided to follow Craig's wishes…somewhat.

After going down the stairs at a pace that a sloth would scoff at to avoid waking up his parents (As if they didn't sleep like rocks after living with Tweek for 17 years) Tweek didn't open the door. He started talking to Craig through it instead. He was still a bit creeped out by his earlier thoughts and considering Tweek's obvious paranoia, someone showing up to his house in the middle of the night wasn't just going to be invited in.

"W-What do you want man?"

"Tweek?"

"What d-do you want?"

"I'm not talking to a door."

"Too b-bad then. Bye!"

Tweek made his way to go back upstairs but before he went Craig shouted…quietly, for him to wait.

"Tweek, why won't you open the door?"

"Are you Craig?"

"The fuck? Of course I'm Craig?"

"Prove it."

"WHAT?"

Craig was annoyed; he looked insane and he didn't know enough about himself to prove who he was. His mind was mostly focused on how much he didn't want some random person to pass by as he talked to a piece of wood (Hehehehehee) and later tell his parents that their boy had finally lost it.

"Come on Tweek. There's nothing to prove. Didn't you see me?"

"Looks are NEVER e-enough Craig!" Tweek glared at the door, his resolve remaining strong and unshaken.

Craig sighed, "I can't prove who I am, I don't have many traits."

"Yes you do, nggh. You have low self-esteem, see?" Tweek felt more like it was Craig he was talking to and looked through the peephole in his door for confirmation.

"Fuck you. I don't." Craig defended and after a second of looking around himself, analysing his confidence levels, felt torn on what Tweek just told him. His solution to this was to flip Tweek…the door off. He felt slightly better.

"Okay! I-It's you." Tweek cracked open the door so Craig was now talking to a human being. "What's up?"

"You wanna go for a walk?"

Tweek looked at Craig for a couple of seconds. Maybe this wasn't him, thoughts swirled and beliefs were shaken while Tweek contemplated how stupid he was for so easily believing that this obvious alien was Craig.

"What did, what did you do with him?"

Craig looked at Tweek funnily, and felt crazy for understanding where Tweek was coming from.

"It's a secret love of mine." Craig explained, "I like walking around. I'll do it during the day but it's even better at night." He almost blushed in embarrassment at his weird hobby and tried to remedy the problem, "I usually do it alone 'cause Token finds it boring and Clyde doesn't stop talking about shit I don't give a fuck about."

Craig flipped himself off, making sure that Tweek couldn't see by putting his hand in his pocket first. "I guess I wanted to test you out?"

Tweek was surprised. Not only was that the most Craig had said to him in one go but the other boy also seemed to be tripping over his explanation a bit, and he had just said he didn't have anything to prove who he was because he thought he was nobody, he opened the door fully.

"T-That's cool. Here, gimmie a s-second." Tweek picked up his shoes and handed them to Craig as he sat down and tried putting the thermos he had taken downstairs with him on his feet. "W-wait."

Both boys looked at the contents of their hands in confusion until Tweek got up, switched the objects and resumed what he was previously trying to do in a…better way.

Craig smiled at Tweek's slip-up and felt slightly guilty because he felt like the boy should probably be getting more sleep if he made a mistake like that and here Craig was, keeping him awake. However, noticing that Tweek had obviously not been sleeping since he'd started an argument with his window a few minutes ago, Craig regretted nothing and once Tweek was ready, the thermos was passed between the two boys again and Tweek followed the path Craig set.


	24. The pranks of insanity

Chapter 24: The pranks of insanity

After the walk the two boys had taken, Craig decided that Tweek was a perfect stroll companion and they took several more as the weeks went on. Nothing of much interest happened, there were only casual days in South Park for a while (Meaning that hundreds of people got killed, the town had to be rebuilt a couple of times, there was a war between the star people of planet Gashrapnir and the lava people from the centre of Earth and many more exciting things happened that everybody but the normal people of the strange town enjoyed.)

Soon however, Clyde, Token and Tweek were sitting together at lunch and Tweek felt that this was the perfect opportunity to put his plan in place. Craig was doing detention for some reason or other and the other boys would not be graced with his presence at this moment in time, 'Wonderful,' Tweek's brain hummed.

"So…guys," Tweek started, grabbing the others' attention and making them worry for him. His tone was kind of evil at that moment.

"Yeah?" They said together as Tweek smirked (Tweek SMIRKED! They were both going to die!)

"Nggh, I was t-thinking, how about we play a prank on Craig?"

At this, the two boys lost their previous worries. They forgot that this behaviour was completely out of the ordinary for Tweek and they paid close attention to Tweek's marvellous plan (That's right, he's getting better.)

'Marvellous.' Tweek thought as they drank in his decoy like a solution to the problems of life, he evilly chuckled in his mind, 'Marvellous.'

The boys had everything worked out by the end of lunch and it was going great. Craig would learn to not fuck with Tweek Tweak's generosity ever again.


	25. Customer service complaints

Chapter 25: Customer service complaints

The plan was to be carried out next Saturday. As the days passed by Tweek (Being Tweek) became more and more anxious and as he and the other two boys prepared to carry out their prank. When the day arrived, he was a complete bundle of nerves.

"M-Maybe we shouldn't do this. He'll, he'll HATE us! I can't handle the pr-pressure! GAH!"

Clyde and Token slowly turned to Tweek, "This was your idea Tweek" Clyde said. "He won't hate us. If we do this, it'll be worth it." Token encouraged. They practically pulled Tweek through the doors of Denny's and then the group waited for service.

A waitress at a table in the far corner spotted them and, after finishing her business with her customers, went into the staff section of the restaurant. Luck seemed to be on their sides as within the next minute, Craig came out of those doors, heading in their direction.

He looked at the booking in computer on the front desk and asked them how many people would need to be seated.

"THREE! GAH!" Tweek shouted.

Craig stiffened and then gradually lifted his head to look at his three friends.

"Oh god no," were the next ominous words to leave his mouth.

"Hey Craig!" Clyde greeted as Token tried to suppress laughter while taking in Craig's work appearance.

Craig lifted his hand in front of him and then, suddenly, a cough was heard. Craig glanced over to see the manager with his eyebrows raised. This man knew of Craig's…liking or showing his middle finger off and had nearly fired the boy for it several times. Flipping off a customer would be the last straw.

Craig seemed close to tears. He put his hand down, turned to enter the arrival of three boys at table 12 into the computer and then put on (Just like Tweek thought he would) his fake smile, guiding them to their table.

His 'cute', fake smile, Tweek remembered regretfully.

When they reached the table and were out of sight of the Denny's manager, Craig leaned on the table as the boys shuffled into the booth.

Craig breathed out slowly, "What are you doing here." He muttered.

"We just wanted to come out and eat. We thought what better place to come. We wanted to test your customer service skills. They're pretty good so far, though Craig, I must say I'm fairly disappointed, did you nearly flip us off before, that's not very good."

As Craig took these words in, his face became a full out glare at Clyde. "Shut up Clyde! This is serious. I work here. If you get me fired, I swear-"

"N-No Craig, relax! We, we won't get you fired." Tweek smiled at him sweetly and Craig pulled himself off of the table, crossing his arms and giving each of his friends a quick glance and look of worry.

"You'd better not. What do you want?"

"Craig! Is that how you treat your customers?"

Token kicked Clyde under the table and over the crying of the other boy he ordered a coke. Tweek asked, obviously, for coffee and once he had calmed down, Clyde chocked out an order for a chocolate fudge sundae.

Everybody looked at him, "A sundae? Dude it's LUNCH! And we're ordering drinks!"

"I don't care!" He sniffled, "This is Denny's isn't it? I'm using it to recover from the pain of my leg."

The 'You're a weirdo' looks continued but nonetheless, Craig took down the orders and mumbled that he would be back in a second.

As he walked off, he felt knots in his stomach; he liked earning money and if those guys got him fired, he would have to kill them. Well, except for Tweek. Tweek probably wouldn't be in on any evil ideas they had for him anyway.


	26. False murder emergencies

Chapter 26: False murder emergencies

As Craig handed the boys the food they had ordered, he seemed to have eased up a little. He still didn't have a clue what was going on but he could only hope that whatever it was, it wouldn't harm him in any way.

'Maybe they really are just here to eat.' He thought. 'Wait, have I gone insane? As if!'

He went away to continue with his job and once he had left, the boys smirked at one another.

"Initiate mission 'Piss off Craig' " Clyde said while getting up to leave the booth. He headed towards the toilets as Token moved over to take his place and Tweek cringed in worry.

A moment passed.

"OH MY GOD! SOMEONE HELP ME!" Clyde ran out of the bathroom covered in blood, a knife in his side.

Token rushed to him, "What the fuck? What happened Clyde? CLYDE!" he lifted Clyde's head shaking the boy, trying to make him stay conscious.

"Jesus C-Christ! Someone DO SOMETHING!"

The staff of the restaurant had gradually filled out of the staff room and one ran towards the phone until suddenly, a hand came out to grab the back of her shirt.

"Oh my God!" She screamed, "The murderer has me!"

"I'm not a murderer." Craig looked down at her, "Just don't bother." He headed over to the other three boys, anger clear on his face. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he growled.

"WHAT ARE YOU T-TALKING ABOUT? HE-HE'S BEEN STABBED!" Tweek flung his hands in the direction of Clyde and then started waving them about in panic.

The manager glared at Craig and told someone to call the police making Craig sigh.

Clyde lay on the floor, seemingly asleep until he quickly lifted his head. At this Tweek screamed running out of the room and into the staff room.

"I'm dying…" Clyde announced, tears in his eyes.

Craig knelt down next to him, looking worried. Maybe they were serious? He moved to hold his friend's hand and then, instead, pulled the 'knife' out of his body. It came off with the sound of Velcro and it was discovered that if this boy had been stabbed, half of a blade must have been left in him because this plastic knife seemed cut in half.

"I hate you." Craig announced. He then glanced over at his manager who had taken in what was going on with shock. The person on the phone quickly explained that everything they had been babbling about was a false warning. They looked close to tears as, in the quiet room, the sounds of a frustrated police officer were heard. Craig walked over to the phone, grabbed it out of the other staff member's hand and hung up.

Token and Clyde glanced around at all the angry faces and realising that maybe, this wasn't the best plan ever, they quickly stood up and ran out of the restaurant.

On the table, the money for their bill was found and in the bathroom, there were several packets of fake blood. When asked if he knew the boys, Craig lied and luckily (Kind of crazily) people believed him so he wasn't fired. Nonetheless, he decided he would still kill Clyde and Token later.

As he prepared to leave work, Craig picked up the belt he had left in the staff locker area in fear of what his friend's would 'tip' him. When he lifted it, he noticed that it was heavier than before but didn't think much of it until he got home.

When he found out that he had $4.99 in change within the belt, Craig remembered Tweek's exit from the room and wondered if Tweek was as innocent as he originally thought.


	27. Reasons to be found in interrogation

Chapter 27: Reasons to be found in interrogation

"So Tweek, you were a part of the annoyance at Denny's the other day?" Craig questioned, raising a brow at the boy who was busy focusing on the film they were watching and who didn't actually seem to notice him. "Tweek!"

"Gah! W-What man? Jesus!" Tweek shouted as several pieces of popcorn were flung around him.

Craig glared at the popcorn and then moved his attention back to Tweek. "You helped Clyde and Token piss me off?"

Tweek looked at his toes and started wiggling them, "Yeah…"

Craig smiled at him, "I didn't know you had it in you." He started chuckling as he looked at the TV screen again.

"Aren't you annoyed? Y-You're ignoring Clyde and, and Token."

"Yeah but I like you more than them."

"Gah! What? W-Why?"

The chuckles came back, "I didn't know it would be a problem."

"No, it's not a, a problem but…you know them better."

"You know me better. And I feel like I'm getting to know you more. In fact, come on!" Craig picked up the remote and paused the film, he got up and turned on the lights and went to get a couple of sheets of paper and two pens.

"What are you d-doing?" Tweek asked as Craig sat down and started tearing up the paper after handing the other a pen.

"Write down ten questions for me and I'll write down ten for you. We'll put them on the coffee table and pick them up one by one, answering them."

Tweek started thinking of all the questions Craig could ask, "Th-That's too much pressure man! Why can't we just, just…ask questions?"

"I don't know, this seems more fun."

"You mean more controlled?"

"Yeah, what's wrong with control? If you don't want to answer a question you can skip it. It's not like I'll ask anything weird anyway."

Tweek looked into Craig's eyes, searching for reasons to not give him trust but finding none. "O-Okay?"

The two boys prepared their questions and decided that they would sit crossed legged and knee to knee because Tweek told Craig, "I-I need to see your face! What if, if you lie?" and Craig thought, 'I love your face so I'm totally cool with that.'


	28. Eating popcorn in Iceland

Chapter 28: Eating popcorn in Iceland

"So Tweek, pick a question"

"Gah! Too much pr-pressure! Jesus Christ!"

"Or I'll do it for you."

"Gah! F-Fine!" Tweek slammed his hand down on the coffee table, disturbing several pieces of paper around the one he had chosen. Craig frowned at the sudden action but smiled it off considering that it was Tweek he was frowning at. "Favourite food? Nggh, I don't know man!"

Craig gave up on his 'I love Tweek' bullshit for a second, "Just answer the fucking question Tweek!"

"Okay! Okay! Jesus…ummmm…"

The two boys sat in silence for a while as Craig wiped the scowl off his face while watching Tweek mouth off the words of all his favourite foods, or the names of all the different types of food ever created.

Craig breathed out in exasperation then sang, "Tweeeeeeek…"

Tweek gave Craig a look. A look that translated to 'Who the fuck are you and what have you done with Craig'. Craig stared back at him with no change in facial expression, waiting for a reply.

"I, like…nggh…I like, p-popcorn?"

"Is that a question or an answer?"

"Shut up! I like it!"

"Cool…popcorn. Not exactly healthy Tweekers."

"Nggh, whatever. Y-You choose one."

Craig glanced at the pieces of paper spread out over his side of the table, a feeling of anxiety hitting him. What the fuck was Tweek going to ask him?

He chose a piece and read it out, "Where do you want to go..? Go?"

"Yeah! What country d-do you want to visit or something?"

"Iceland. I'd say Greenland but I think that's going too far."

Tweek frowned, "Th-That's random."

"Nah. It's nice and secluded, contrary to what people believe I actually like the snow and shit soooo…yeah. The language is pretty cool too."

"I-It is?"

"Mmmm. You choose another one now."

Without looking, Tweek slammed his hand down on the table. This was a pretty stupid thing to do and because of that God had obviously decided to teach him a lesson. He knocked the cups of coffee he had made for Craig and himself everywhere. EVERYWHERE! On the table, the carpet, the sofa and both boys.

"World Of Warcraft Tweek."

"Gah! S-Sorry! Wait, what?"

Craig smirked, "WOW."

Tweek stopped flailing his arms at the mess he had made and turned his body to face Craig, staring at him for a second. "That…That makes me want t-to cry."

Craig obviously wasn't offended at the insult to his joke and started laughing at Tweek's face instead.

"Nggh…" Tweek looked away and went to get towels to clean everything up.

Once the boys had finished tidying up the mess, Craig showed Tweek that there was still one question left.

"Have you read th-the note yet?" Craig looked at Tweek expectantly, "What note?"

"Fucking hell Tweek!"


	29. Love is ordinary

Chapter 29: Love is ordinary

Once Craig had re-explained the situation, Tweek finally remembered the note. When he got home he decided that he could brave reading the thing because after all, Craig was now officially his friend and probably wouldn't have left a horrible remark on the scrap piece of notepaper…he hoped.

Tweek ended up spending hours looking for the thing. At first he remembered putting it in his desk draw but, since it wasn't there, he checked all of his other draws. After that, he decided that his room needed a good clean anyway and ended up pulling out all of his furniture, hovering, dusting, cleaning microscopic pieces of dirt barely seen by the human eye and, of course, wiping off all of the coffee stains on every surface in his room.

By the time he had finished everything he was knackered but he really wanted to find the note. He spend several minutes lying on his bed, thinking of all of the different ways that it could have disappeared. Maybe: his Mum took it, he threw it out, the aliens took it or when Craig realised that Tweek STILL hadn't read it he got pissed off and sent a ninja into Tweek's house to locate and destroy the piece of paper because it turned out that Craig had written the answer to life's problems between the lines that Tweek had never bothered to read.

"Why God, why? I-I'll never know now." Tweek exclaimed to the heavens, lifting his arms with his message and then slamming them back down again as the weakness within him prevented him from wasting precious energy. In doing this, he knocked over his bedside table and, lo and behold, there was a scrap of paper underneath it.

"What the fuck? I s-swear I took that out."

"You did but, being the pussy you are, you didn't think to double check."

"Gah! Gnomes!"

"Yeah, yeah kid. We get it. Whatever. Fuck you." The gnome stated while opening the door. "Bye anyway." He finished, leaving.

"Nggh…" Tweek hated the gnomes, he thought of all the trouble they had caused him and his blood boiled in his veins.

Abruptly, the door swung open and the same gnome from before sauntered back in, wincing at the loud bang sound he had created. "Oh and by the way pussy," he restarted, "I think that kid wants you, if you get what I mean."

"WHAT?" The gnome winked and left once more.

Tweek stared at the empty doorway and then decided to get up and close the door…just in case. He picked up his bedside table after grabbing the note from the floor.

He opened the note and read it.

"Since God doesn't love you, I think you kind of deserve this $4.99 don't you? If not, that's cool, I'm sure there's somebody out there who will love you better than God ever could and that when you're with them money won't be a problem. Unless, of course, they sell themselves into slavery for you.

I can see someone doing something like that. Love's a weird thing.

Craig."

Tweek looked up from the note and up at God once again, "Nggh, I c-can't let the only person who l-loves me sell themselves into slavery. Gah! Nooooo!"


	30. Hidden subconscious messages

Chapter 30: Hidden subconscious messages

"I r-read it"

Craig looked surprised, "Really?" To be honest Craig had thought Tweek must have thrown it away, how could someone forget things so easily?

Clyde looked up at Craig's voice and, catching the boy's expression, felt like whatever the topic of conversation was, it must have been pretty interesting. "What did you read?" he excitedly questioned making Tweek squirm at his constantly ecstatic personality.

"It was-"

"-Nothing."

Tweek looked at Craig, "What?"

Craig looked at Tweek, "What?"

Tweek didn't like this turn of events. He hated confusion and he could swear Craig was creating it on purpose. Why would he do that though? He wrote the note ages ago and it's not like he actually told he the answer to life's problems, it was just him playing a joke on Tweek. EVERYBODY played jokes on Tweek.

"Why c-can't I tell him" Tweek asked.

"Yeah Craig! WHY?" Clyde…emphasised.

"Because it was a joke."

"Exactly, i-it was, it was a joke s-so why can't I-I tell him?"

Craig covered his eyes with his hands. And then tried to mumble an explanation that only Tweek would hear. He couldn't do this however, considering the strangely close proximity of one Clyde Donovan.

"What are you doing Clyde."

Clyde slid back from his lying on the table position into his seat. He said, "I could tell that you were about to whisper and shit to Tweek." then starting to glare at his friend continued, "I'm not stupid you know?"

Tweek and Craig watched Clyde for a couple of seconds, taking in what he just said. Their facial expressions morphed simultaneously: from blank to surprised then almost disgusted going on to trying not to laugh which eventually became laughing and finally, wiping away tears.

Clyde did not appreciate this and scowled at them to get this point across. This put the other two boys back at the 'trying not to laugh' facial expression once more though so he just decided to give up on them. He got up and walked away before turning around to explain that he was "Going to find Token" and (with tears in his eyes, of course) he stormed off.

After that whole fiasco Craig decided to take on the challenge of explaining to Tweek why Clyde couldn't know about the note.

"So Tweek, what exactly did you think of the note?"

Tweek looked at Craig, furrowing his brow in thought, "I g-guess I thought it was, nggh, a bit cruel to m-mock me like, like that but…I'm used to it so I g-guess it's okay."

"Yeah but what did you think of me using those words?"

Tweek was obviously confused, "Ummm, I-I didn't like you using them?"

"What did you gather about my personality from them?" (After saying this Craig immediately considered himself a true moron, don't worry)

"Give me a second." Tweek requested, bowing his head and crossing his arms. What did he think of Craig because of the note? He couldn't remember it word for word but now he thought about it, it did sound kind of strange. And didn't that gnome say 'that kid wants you' but Tweek really didn't get a vibe like THAT from the short message, or from Craig at all for sure.

"I think it was a bit w-weird for you. It was kind of…sweetly horrible?"

Craig seemed all right with this analysis, "Okay, I didn't want Clyde to know about the 'sweet' part I guess." He explained, preparing to leave to make sure that Token wasn't being killed by boredom in Clyde's 'Let's complain about Craig' parade.

"But, but Craig! Why d-do you want to know what I thought of it then?

Craig looked like he was about to make another, strange remark that would leave Tweek in the lurch but he seemed to reconsider doing so in favour of explaining rather well, "I wasn't really thinking when I wrote it. You and I weren't close then, it didn't make much sense to do so and I did it as a spur of the moment thing. I wanted to know if it seemed to translate into reasons I had for…" Craig squirmed, this sounded a bit cruel.

"For hanging out with me?"

"Yeah, sorry."

"I-It's fine! Gah! See you then!"

"Bye."

As Craig left the cafeteria he did not feel like his reason for wanting to know what Tweek thought was good enough. He realised that really, he wanted Tweek to see some hidden lust in the note even though back when he wrote it, Craig didn't feel anything much for the strange 'Twitch' boy. He'd always thought of Tweek as good to hand out with, he had no idea where his want to hand out with him had come from though and now that he seemed to have a crush on he other boy, he wondered if maybe he had subconsciously liked him for a while?

…Craig realised that he sounded insane and that all of his thoughts at the moment were complete bullshit. What the fuck was he on about, 'subconscious crush'? He sounded like…Tweek! He was definitely hanging around with that kid WAY too much.


	31. Let's not talk about romance

Chapter 31: Let's not talk about romance

"So Tweek…"

Tweek frowned, "Stop s-saying that, you ALWAYS say th-that! Jesus Christ! It's too much pressure! Areyoubeingmindcontroleedtoalwayssaytheexactsamethingtomeloads? How do I know? Gah!"

"Dude chill. It's just my way of…making conversation."

"Nggh, s-still, it's a lot of pr-pressure."

Craig sighed, "I guess I'll try to not say it then."

"G-Good."

"Good."

The two sat in a comfortable silence for a while. At the moment, they were on the outskirts of town, waiting for the smartphones that had come to life to be somehow destroyed by Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny. Obviously, Craig and Tweek weren't the type to want to get in on this sort of action especially after…past mistakes and the two boys had decided to briefly escape together (Oooooh).

As Craig realised that he and Tweek were watching the sunset together, he started feeling that it would be really awkward, but funny if he brought up how romantic this all actually seemed to be to Tweek. Because of the humour of Tweek freaking out, Craig therefore did bring it up.

"So Tweek…"

"Gah! Areyouserious?"

Craig was briefly confused at this but then remembered the conversation they had less than a minute ago, "Sorry. I just wanted to see if you felt uncomfortable."

"Wh-Why would I feel u-uncomfortable?"

"We're watching the sunset, in a field of flowers, leaning on one another."

"S-So?"

Craig smiled, "Isn't it a bit…romantic."

Tweek did not react how he would be expected to. He sighed and said "Only i-if you want it to be."

Craig turned his head to the other boy. What did that mean? Did Tweek want it to be? Did Tweek like him too? What should he do? His heart started racing and his cheeks flushed at how stupid he was being. 'This is embarrassing,' he thought 'I'm acting like a complete teenage girl or some shit right now.'

Tweek had noticed the change in Craig's demeanour and for once he actually considered the fact that what the gnome had said may have been right. In his head he mulled over thoughts of whether this would be a good thing or a bad thing and came to the conclusion that he definitely loved hanging around with Craig and sometimes he may want to do fairly unspeakable things with him. 'Yep, definitely a good thing,' he confirmed in his mind.

As both boys sat there thinking about how stupid they both seemed and how they had to but couldn't tell one another their feelings or ask one another out, they continued to watch the sun go down and as the stars came out, an evil smartphone came by, scaring Tweek.

After Craig had saved the other from "c-certain death" by smashing the phone to pieces with a random baseball bat that Clyde had probably put in Craig's car, Craig told his friend there was no way he could make up for his bravery and that Tweek would owe Craig his life forever.

Tweek decided that he didn't like this and as both boys stood there joking about the debt of a soul, Tweek kissed Craig…on the cheek (Not full on. Too Fast!) making Craig seem to stop breathing. Tweek felt this confirmed what he had previously been thinking about the other and told the boy that since he kissed him, there was now no debt because he had stolen his life force back from the other.

Craig was in a daze so he didn't complain and once he finally snapped out of it they decided that they should probably head back to South Park and Craig still didn't have the guts to talk to Tweek about anything that he felt.


	32. Anger, worry, conflict and confusion

Chapter 32: Anger, worry, conflict and confusion

Tweek was pissed off; he was pretty sure that Craig liked him but the stupid fucking boy hadn't said anything even after Tweek literally kissed him! Sure, it could seem like a friendly kiss but Tweek wasn't exactly the type to be all touchy and feely with people, surely Craig knew that!

Craig wanted to ask Tweek out, he really did but…how? He was so scared that he would be wrong about his assumptions, what if Tweek didn't actually like him? He couldn't stop criticising himself for being so stupid, this wasn't something that he felt he should worry about at all, especially when he didn't care enough about his education and all that shit. He was doing all right in life but for some reason, he had his head stuck in the clouds, bringing him down because he felt like being with someone he cared about was more important.

Token didn't know how to react to Craig and Tweek's behaviour. He already knew that Craig had a thing for Tweek; the boy had told him that he thought Tweek was interesting and Craig was somewhat obsessive. If he liked something, he would almost never stop thinking about it. Token also knew Craig was a bit of a hopeless romantic, in English they had to watch a couple of rom-com's before and Craig would fake disinterest but, well, he was faking it. Token didn't know if he should interfere with it though and he had an internal battle going on constantly around his two friends.

Clyde was so confused about Craig and Tweek's behaviour. Tweek seemed pissed off constantly and Craig seemed worried. He felt like the two had done some sort of body swap. He had consulted Token about his confusion but the other boy had just sighed, telling him to forget it because he'd find out soon. What would he find out soon? This didn't make any sense!


	33. The perfect confrontation

Chapter 33: The perfect confrontation

Token stood at Craig's locker, waiting for the perfect moment to bring up what he thought. The moment came as Craig closed his locker and Token decided to dive in with "Craig why won't you ask Tweek out?"

Craig looked shocked: proper shocked, more shocked than someone like Craig should ever be capable of being. "WHAT?"

"It's obvious to me. Hell, I even think Tweek knows, maybe he should be the one to…make a move I guess but well, you know what Tweek's like. Has he done anything recently? Flirted with you or something?"

At Craig's blush, Token knew that something had happened and since the other boy wasn't getting angry, he knew it wasn't anything bad. Because of this, Token got a little angry himself, "Why can't you just fucking ask Tweek out?"

Craig blushed deeper, "Shhhhhh…" he said, sinking into himself in a completely unCraig-like fashion, "I just, I don't know if he likes me."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?" This was so frustrating, "I'm pretty much definite he likes you. This is so stupid you know?"

"I know."

"No. You don't. Dude, you're always like, 'Do something if you want to,' and 'Don't wait for the opportunity to go away,'" Token calmed himself down at Craig's dismal expression. "Don't do this to yourself. Try it, I'm almost certain Tweek will say yes. Don't be a hypocrite, you know how much I hate hypocrites!"

Craig didn't feel like this was a very comforting speech but, at the same time, he knew it was what he needed. He needed to be told that he should and could do something. Token carried out that order pretty well, although a bit too threateningly and it seemed to get the job done. Craig felt quite confident. He was going to do this!

But…he'd need to make it perfect. Remember, hopeless romantic he was and hopeless romantic he would prove to be.


	34. Failed plans and sad emotions

Chapter 34: Failed plans and sad emotions

Tweek felt the wind blasting through his clothes, freezing him to the bone and setting ice in his core. He hoped his journey would be worth it, he couldn't believe that he liked seeing Craig this much. He was walking through a snowstorm to see him, even while he was angry with him!

As he reached Craig's door he felt hope inside himself and the joy of reaching his goal put a smile on his face. Then, he ended up knocking on the door for five minutes straight. When he first knocked, the happiness was still obvious. This was replaced by worry. What if Craig was dead? Tweek then started getting angry. Craig had told him to come here. He was right on time, not late, not early. What the fuck was going on? Eventually, Tweek became sad. Tears pricked at his eyes as he felt an extreme sense of abandonment. Had Craig planned this, planned for Tweek to freeze to death at his front door?

Tweek was a fairly emotional person.

Suddenly, a voice came from behind him, "Oh my God Tweek I'm so sorry!" It was Craig.

"Gah! W-W-What?"

Craig leaped onto the doorstep with Tweek, starting to unlock the door. "How long have you been here?" he asked.

He didn't get a reply though. When he cast a glance at his friend he saw the way the boy was basically an icicle out here. He could swear there was frost on the tips of his hair. Maybe he hadn't even heard him, maybe there was ice in his ears and his lips had been frozen still?

When Craig managed to finally unlock the door. Tweek wasn't sure whether or not he should go in. Craig had just left him out there to rot…I mean freeze. It hadn't been purposeful though; Craig was obviously not in his house. Eventually, Craig just pulled Tweek through the doorway, giving the boy a worried look.

Why did Tweek always make Craig feel so guilty? He was about to carry out a perfect romantic plan as well.

The night before, Craig had told Clyde the reason for his recent, strange behaviour. Clyde had felt relieved at the reason, especially because he had gotten the feeling that Tweek and Craig had feeling's for one another earlier. It made him feel like a good friend because it was like he could actually tell what was going on in Craig's head for once.

Unlike Token, who seemed to be frustrated over the matter, Clyde was excited. He too knew of Craig's romantic tendencies and hoped that maybe they would affect Token and himself less if Craig actually had a person to throw his feelings at. Clyde didn't like it when Craig would become clingy and things. Clyde could be like that, but he felt like it wasn't meant to be in Craig's nature to be that way and here was the perfect solution, right?

So anyway, the two had basically gotten together to create the most wonderful, incredible, super and amazing 'Ask Tweek Out' plan. It was completely ruined by the fact that there was a snowstorm though. Even worse, Craig had been late. Tweek would probably be even more pissed than he had been recently because of that.

Now Craig just had to fix his mistakes and do the plan another time.


	35. Oh, randomness is scary?

Chapter 35: Oh, randomness is scary?

"Here Tweek, you just sit there. I'll go make you coffee, okay. Oh wait. Here's a blanket! Do you want anything to eat?"

"Ummm…n-no?"

"Okay then! I'll be back in a second."

"Okay."

After Craig had left the room, Tweek had a mini freak out. Why the hell was Craig catering to his every need? After he assured himself that it was just because Craig cared, Tweek had another mini freak out. He then told himself that Craig was probably also guilty and was about to have another mini freak out but luckily Craig came back to save the day of 'Eternal mini freak outs'.

Craig handed Tweek the cup of coffee. "So…Tweek."

The boy in question looked up, about to scold Craig for his conversation starter but as he saw the smile creeping across the other boy's face, he stopped himself and decided to smile with the other instead.

After a small moment of the two boys staring at eachother with creepy/cute smiles, looking like complete idiots to any other person in the world, Tweek asked, "Yes C-Craig?"

"Do you wanna watch a film?" Craig questioned back, sitting down next to his friend.

"S-Sure, nggh, what do you have?"

"Let's see…" Craig went over to the other side of the room and opened a cupboard. Tweek couldn't be bothered to move considering his PRACTICAL FROSTBITE, and so he waited until Craig came back with a couple of choices. "Which one?"

Tweek scanned each DVD, taking them one by one out of Craig's hands and reading the backs of the cases. Eventually he decided on 'Alien' and pulled it out while Craig went to put the rest of the DVD's back.

Tweek handed Craig the DVD.

Craig gave Tweek one of those fabulous 'Are you insane looks' that people just LOVED to dish out, "You want Alien?"

"Mmmhmmm."

"Ay-lee-en?"

Tweek frowned, "Um, y-yeah dude."

"But...it's scary."

Tweek smirked, "You chicken Craig?"

Craig's mouth fell open, "WHAT? No!" He leaped over to the TV and put in the disk. After grabbing the remote, skipping the ads and pressing play, they were both ready.

As the movie went on both boys got closer and closer together until Tweek had his arms around Craig's waist and his head on his chest, his eyes squinting shut at every little noise that came through the television speakers.

He commended Craig for his bravery, the boy hadn't moved in what seemed to be forever and he was watching the whole film. Of course, what Tweek didn't know was that Craig actually had his face buried in Tweek's hair and he was so much of a wuss that his eyes were completely shut.

When the film finished Craig breathed a sigh of relief.

"Do y-you have the, the next one?"

'What?' Craig thought. "What?" Craig said.

"What?" Tweek said.

"What?" Craig was getting confused now.

"What?" Tweek was too.

There was a moment of silence.

There was a moment of laughter.

There was a moment of Craig jumping back onto the sofa, holding Tweek's face in his hands and kissing him on the nose.

There was once again a moment of silence…this time it was awkward.

Craig pushed himself away, "Sorry."

"Why?"

Craig gulped and bowed his head, "I, I guess that was…random."

Tweek smiled, "Random can be good."

"I thought you didn't like random?"

"You're good at random."

"Oh."

"Don't 'oh' me!"

Craig lifted his head again. "Why did I let you have dinner with my family? WHY?"

Tweek went onto explain that Craig let him do so because he thought Tweek was the best person to have ever existed in time and space. Craig agreed with this in his mind but denied it out loud and the two went on through the night having pleasant conversation and falling asleep on the sofa while waiting out the storm.


	36. Description of an unexpected confession

Chapter 36: Description of an unexpected confession

When the two boys woke up the next morning, they discovered that they had no school, the storm had clogged up the streets and really, South Park didn't care much for education.

They were sent to Craig's bedroom by Craig's sister's demand for television, "Fuck off Craig! I need TV more than you."

Craig fought this off with, "That doesn't make sense, is there scientific evidence to support this?" but to no avail. This caused a brief flipping off war that was interrupted by Tweek grabbing Craig's middle finger and hauling him up the stairs with it.

When they got into Craig's room, Tweek continued to hold onto the boy until he said, "That's pretty cute."

Tweek didn't like being called 'cute'.

Craig's mother had called Tweek cute when she first saw him and it made Tweek have a silent fit that only one person, Craig, could detect. When asked, Tweek had explained that he didn't like it because people either referred to him as 'cute' or 'insane' and he wanted more than two words to be in his self-description.

"Hey Tweek?"

"N-Not, 'So…Tweek'?"

"Nah, I'm mixing it up. I was just wondering do you want more words to describe you?"

Tweek tilted his head and frowned, "You're g-gonna describe me? I'm not sure that, that's going to be good for my s-self-esteem."

"Well, I think you wrong, my good Tweekers!"

Tweek's face became: part disgusted, part creeped out and part intrigued. "Ngh, th-there's something wrong with y-you."

"Agh!" Craig put his hand on his heart, "My…my, self-esteem." He bent over and collapsed onto the floor.

At the bad acting before him, Tweek rolled his eyes. "S-So," he said, deciding to restart the previous conversation topic, "describe me!"

Craig threw his arms into the air, "Awesomely Crazy?"

"Is that a good thing?"

Craig leaped towards Tweek, "Hell yeah! What about, Simply entertaining?"

"What?"

Craig dodged as Tweek tried to grab him and he jumped to the other end of the room, "Or incredibly unique?"

"Dude?"

Craig stroked an imaginary beard, "Funnily Tweekish? Unusually incredible?"

"Tweekish?"

Once again throwing his arms to the heavens, Craig suggested, "Coffee master? Oddly brilliant?"

"I like the first one…"

Craig stepped forwards, "How 'bout...perfectly cute?"

"What?"

Another step, "Amazingly bright."

"Craig?"

Craig stopped at Tweek and knelt down before him, looking into his eyes, "A beautiful coffee bean…or two."

"Huh?"

"I kinda have a crush on you Tweekers."

Tweek smiled, fairly knowingly, "Really?"

"Yep." This was not according to plan.

"Me too…"

"You're not as modest as I thought then."

Tweek hit Craig's arm, "Shut up! I like YOU too fuckface!"

"Doesn't sound like you like me…"

Tweek leaned his forehead on Craig's, "I do."

Both boys smiled, "Me too."

At Craig's smirk Tweek made sure to hit him on the arm once more before pulling him in for a hug.


	37. Wetting yourself and screaming mannishly

Chapter 37: Wetting yourself and screaming mannishly

So, Craig had managed to confess to Tweek without spewing his guts all over the floor like Stan or something. Good. But…he had to focus on what to do next now. Tweek liked him too so it wasn't like he had to worry about that…probably (Pointless romance worries man, Jesus!) and now he just had to focus on asking the other boy out on an actual date.

Craig had been thinking about this while leaning against his locker. His eyed had glazed over in concentration and, well, this was a pretty bad idea, as Craig would soon discover.

An arm slammed itself on the lockers, the tiniest millimetre away from his head and he literally screamed. Don't worry; it was OBVIOUSLY a 'manly' scream. Or at least, that's what Craig tried to convince Clyde as the other boy came close to wetting himself in laughter.

Once they had both calmed down, Craig decided that he would like to know the reason for his not so pleasant awakening from 'Daydream land' so he asked Clyde, very politely of course, "What?"

"How'd the plan go?"

Craig's face became slightly confused.

Clyde started gesticulating at his friend to make his question more answerable. Clyde wasn't good with making words and Craig was bad at understanding them, there was often questioning about how the two ever became friends.

"With, with Tweek. You know? Did you confess and stuff?" Clyde explained with a little shoulder bump to emphasise his hope for Craig's love life.

Craig frowned at this and gave, as per usual, a very cryptic answer of, "It didn't go to plan."

This made the other's face drop. Being Clyde, this also put tears in his eyes that soon started staining his cheeks. "But, but, you…you guys are so good for each other. Why? Why Craig? WHY? Oh God! Why must you do this to them? How did this happen. Now I'm gonna have to tell Token and he's gonna feel sad too." He stammered and bawled, moving away to go find Token and spread the bad news. Really, this was just a habit as whenever he talked to Craig, Craig would tell him to piss off and he would go off crying because of that.

Craig noted this habit and smirked in amusement at it. He also made sure to feel slightly touched at the fact that Clyde cared about Tweek and his' relationship that much at the same time as feeling annoyed that he knew if Clyde went to Token, Token probably wouldn't give that much of a fuck.

Before Clyde managed to go aggravate Token however, Craig tugged him back towards the locker. He decided that he would give a more in depth explanation. "I said it didn't to to plan. That doesn't mean it didn't go."

Clyde frowned, "Does that make sense?"

"Yes."

"Ummm…okay. So what happened?" Clyde's bubbliness was coming back (y..a...y).

"I'm not telling."

"I'll ask Tweek."

"He's totally not telling-"

Clyde frowned at the ground. 'Of course,' he thought, 'as if Tweek would tell me something like that.'

"-I hope."

Clyde's head shot up. Craig tried to grab him but it was too late. When the two boys next saw one another, Clyde once again nearly wet himself. Craig believed that he found everything too funny. It wasn't that funny.

Craig couldn't believe that Tweek told him…well he could.


	38. Wrapping it up nicely

Chapter 38: Wrapping it up nicely

"So…Craig?"

"I get it, I get it. You don't like me doing that to you. Sorry, jeez!"

Tweek blinked, "I didn't d-do that on, on purpose," he chuckled nervously and coughed to clear his throat, "I j-just was, umm, wondering if…"

Craig looked up at the other boy. He couldn't believe that Tweek was doing this, however, after briefly criticising his own weakness he decided that, well, we could deal with it to be honest.

"D-Do you wanna go to the, the cinema or s-something?"

Craig smirked; so many people were too unspecific for his humour. "To sit on the floor?" he asked.

Tweek frowned, "W-What?"

"Nothing, nothing. Yes, Tweekers, I would love that!"

"Really? Yay…y-you do know I'm umm, ask-asking you out r-right?"

"Yeah." Craig felt bubbly…too bubbly. "I'm glad you were the one to do it. If you left it up to me it would probably never happen."

"True."

After this, plans were made. The two decided that they would go on their date at the end of the day. They had no idea what was on at the cinema so they chose to just 'go with the flow' when it came to picking a film. They agreed, after quite a while of Tweek telling Craig "I'm not, not a fucking girl or s-some shit goddamn it!" that they would divide the amount of money they spent between them. Finally,in terms of eating arrangements, they planned to buy every single type of confectionary they could from the store near Tweek's house and then feast as they stayed there to hang out for the night.

Before the date, both boys were obviously nervous. They didn't know what to wear, what to do with their hair. They didn't know if they smelt good or if they didn't plan well enough or if they should have looked into whether the whole process of them hanging out with one another was caused by a deep coma sleep or some drug induced state of hallucination or not. They were obviously quite worried about the whole thing.

Luckily, the date was one of the few plans that went perfectly and if they weren't actually in reality, they would probably never find out so who cared? It was all great and, at the end of the day, Craig wrapped everything up nicely.

"So…Tweek?"

Tweek smiled at this, "Yes C-Craig?"

"Do you still think that God doesn't love you?"

Tweek's eyes widened, "Umm well I, I don't know. I guess?"

"Interesting."

There was a moment of silence.

"Craig?"

"Yes Tweekers?"

"W-Why?"

"'Cause…I can definitely see some person or other taking God's place so stop worrying about it and knocking people's drinks all over the floor okay?"

Tweek hid a smile with the bite of a lip, "Okay."

The two boys had a brief kiss goodbye, one that they couldn't stop thinking about for the rest of the night and as Tweek watched Craig go, he laughed at the small fist pump the retreating silhouette made.

One day, at work, Craig gave Tweek a tip for the marvellous coffee he was served. Tweek didn't protest the $4.99 and instead gave his boyfriend a kiss, which neither could stop thinking about for the rest of the day.


End file.
